Heartbroken (Part 2): What I did with the leftover food

After what happened in the previous post, Hearbroken, I was determined that the kids be taught a lesson about eating whatever I have prepared for them. 

The day after Heartbroken, I cut the leftover chicken meat into small pieces and included them in my fried rice. I packed in the containers along with packets of Milo. I told myself that they are only allowed to have it if they finish the rice. 

After picking up all four of them from school, I drove directly to the library. Having lunch out of the car in the library parking lot has become part of a library visit.

I was relieved that the previous day's tension did not arise. They promptly finished their food without much fuss. Maybe my scolding the night before was still fresh on their mind. The rest of the day was pleasant enough :)

However, I have to admit that my actions did not reflect the determination I mentioned in the beginning of this post. I didn't include the duck meat and chicken feet in fried rice. The vege and baked beans were kept to complete another meal for me because they didn't go with fried rice. The chicken that they were supposed to finish were disguised as fried rice. 

Still I believe there will be plenty of chances for me to put my determination into actions. I just hope that my determination holds up in the face of the resistance that will arise. 

Heartbroken: Dinner untouched by kids

A few days ago, I bought some meat dishes from an economical rice stall. A few pieces of roast duck and a crab meat balls in baked beans that Hubby I think he would like. Soy sauce chicken for the kids. Stewed chicken feet with mushroom that my father-in-law would like. It costed RM20, less than I expected. I was feeling quite pleased with this cheap meal. All I have to do is stir fry a vege dish and cook some rice. Easy ... Or so I thought.

Preparation was easy. The cleaning up was heartbreaking :( Hubby liked the duck and baked beans; FIL liked the chicken feet and duck. No problem there. 

Problem was with the kids. Yan ate some but didn't show a good appetite at all. Jien downed a packet of Milo in lieu of solid food for dinner. Heng refused to touch the food too, opting instead to fry rice. He fried it himself because I refused to indulge him. He burnt the chopped shallot and garlic resulting in fried rice with plenty of black dots!

As I pack up the uneaten food into the fridge, I scolded them. Less on Yan ( at least she ate some). Mostly on Jien and Heng. I fumed about the effort I put in the choose the food they like, the time to drive to the food stall, the money I saved. All of it gone unappreciated.

"Serves you right for burning your food!" I scolded at Heng. "Got food but don't want to eat! You wanted money for your school trip, I gave you! And you waste my effort and food." Heng was half crying as he picked the burnt pieces from his rice.

"That's the last time I buy Milo! Drinking it as dinner!" I scolded Jien. "You wanted Mamee, I bought Mamee! You wanted to eat the junk food you brought back from school party, I let you! You wanted me to make muffins for school party, I made for you! And you don't even touch the food I prepared!" Jien disappeared upstairs didn't seem to take heed :(

I was going on like that as I put the food in box before popping them in the fridge. "Don't expect me to pay for new food until you finish these!" I scolded from the kitchen. I was almost crying as I feel so unappreciated! What spoilt brats my kids have turned put to be!

Luckily, Heng left a note on my bed to apologize and promised "not to be picky from tomorrow onward". " At least, he feels bad and apologize. Jien went upstairs and didn't listen at all," Hubby observed. 

"I sent him upstairs," I corrected Hubby but I also knew that he was right about the second part. Jien seemed unmoved by my scolding :( What shall I do with him? Sigh!

FRIM: A refuge from war

I went for a jog early on Sunday morning hoping it would lift my mood, a result of a boring Saturday. The jog did do me good. However, my spirits came crashing during breakfast when Hubby announced that he had to go to war from 10 to noon.

I had hoped for an outing before lunch because Jien, my second son, would be having friends over in the afternoon. I was  determined that a stay-at-home Sunday would not follow a stay-at-home Saturday. I was also fed up with his wars because every war meant the family stay home. Kids staying at home meant kids playing computer games and watching tv.

To salvage my Sunday and to get the kids out of the house, I called my sister. Let's go to the canopy walk in FRIM, I said. Luckily, she could go. She brought Hann, her 8-year-old girl, and Ka, her 5-year-old son. I brought Jien, Yan and Li. Heng wanted to stay home to do his homework.

Unluckily, the suspension bridge was a 1.4km-trek away. My not-yet-4-year-old Li and Ka were too young for the trek as well as for the bridge. Suspended 30m in the air the bridge was prone to swaying and every one had to cross it one by one, a few meters apart. Not only could we not carry the little ones, we couldn't even walk with them!

The only other place that I think would be interesting for the kids is the waterfall picnic area. It was only a short climb on proper concrete steps (as opposed to steps made of roots and rocks). The water was shallow and clean. At first we only looked at picnickers from the steps. Then the older kids couldn't resist taking off their shoes and waded into the water. 

It was amusing seeing our kids wading carefully, not wanting to get their clothes wet. All around them kids and adults alike were soaking themselves in the cool water from the jungle. That was what I called being unprepared. We had prepared for a walk in the air but ended up with a walk in the water!

Nonetheless, the trip was a success. I got out of the house. I got the kids out in nature, away from electronic screens. Hubby and Heng went for haircut and lunch by themselves, so there's bonding for father and son. That's good. Most importantly, I don't let the resentment towards a warrior's wars grow, fester and spoil my wellbeing. 

Drive time: Make full use of it

No, I'm not talking about sending that urgent email, having that wake-up coffee, eating a hurried two-bite breakfast or touching up on that lipstick while driving. What I'm talking about is imparting value to our children. Yes, otherwise known as "lecturing" them. 

Before I elaborate on the lecturing part, let me tell you what's my drive time. As a full time mom, my first job description is fetching my kids home from school. I can subcontract cooking to my wallet but I can't leave them in school, can I? Tempting... but no. I fetch them home whenever I can (which is most of the time). As for what happens whenever I can't, I won't go into that now. That's not relevant here.

I actually enjoy driving my kids home. I can get out of the house, do less housework, and relax with the radio on. That's before they get in the car. Once they get in the car, the noise level is usually upped several notches. When I'm lucky, they'll be quiet and listen to the radio. When I'm luckier, a teachable moment presents itself. That's when I seize it!

What better time to lecture than when I have them all to myself? In the confined spaces of our car, I don't lose them the computer, the iPad, the iPhone and the books. They've got no choice but to listen. I let them ask questions. In fact, I welcome their questions. Questions mean they are interested, paying attention and most importantly, susceptible to the values I'd like them to have.

A perfect example of this happened when my eldest, Heng, a pre-teen, was in the car with me. As we passed a secondary school, a student zoomed out of the school on a motorbike.  

"Mom, that looks dangerous!" He said, referring to the way the student ride. The Moment! With a capital M! I seized it immediately!

Keeping an even tone of voice (to mask my excitement), I explained how some teenagers think they're all grown up and all knowing (they think can safely ride a bike in a dangerous way) and not heeding to elders' advice and opinion (to ride in a safe way). I told him that parents have been through more in their lives compared to their children, no matter what age. Such experiences enable them to see potential consequences that their children, with less life experiences, cannot. Therefore, it is best to listen to what parents have to say and digest it before dismissing them.

I think of this as vaccination against rebelliousness in his upcoming teenage years. Drive time fully made use of. Don't you agree?

Internet: The friend-finder

[This is something I drafted 5 years ago before this blog went to "sleep".]

Just google it. That's what I did, drawing inspiration from Nike's tagline (and to think that I used to hate Nike's logo. My first Nike sneakers were white with the logo in white, too, so that it wouldn't be obvious!). 

I've encountered my ex-classmate's name in newspapers and magazines a few times. Even though I couldn't be 100% sure it was her, I was 90% there as her name was unconventionally spelt. Some people had difficulty pronouncing it! 

After seeing the name in a popular local daily, I immediately googled it. The result was lenghty. Turned out she had been a journalist for a Singaporean daily for a few years. I managed to find her account with a community website. Despite not being much of an online-community person, I opened an account just so I could send her a message. Luckily, I didn't make a fool of myself or invite any sinister online-prowler. She confirmed that she was "indeed moi". 

"Moi" mentioned a few other classmates' names and that prompted me to google some more. Another fruitful attempt got me in touch with a partner in a Singaporean law firm. Wow! 'If my classmate is a partner in a law firm, then I could've been a partner in one of the largest audit firm in Malaysia', I fantasized. Then Hubby said,'Law firm and audit firm differentlah.' I fell back to earth with a thud. A reality check showed that my peer in that firm is

[Like I said, it was a draft, an unfinished one at that. I couldn't remember what I wanted to say about that peer of mine but I remember calling her and had a short chat.

Since this draft, I've looked up and kept in touch with more friends through the Internet. Besides being a friend-finder, the Internet is also a friend-keeper :) ]

Refresh: after a five-year absence

Just read my previous entries to refresh my memories. It was refreshing indeed! Some memories surfaced while some were lost :( I discovered that I have a dozen post titles, experiences waiting to be published. Should I publish these first or write about my new experiences? Five years is a long time. There's been many major milestones and countless minor ones throughtout the period. So I think I think I'll concentrate on current experiences and write about old ones when time permit.

Some of the major milestones:-

A new baby is almost 4 years old and had already started pre-kindergarten.

My husband and I celebrated our 13th anniversary. 

We lived in Hanoi, Vietnam, for eighteen months.

Heng, my eldest, sat for his UPSR exam. 

But I shan't elaborate on them today. Each of them contains multiple stories that are worthy of telling... in other days and posts :) 

To end this moment of "rebirth", I want to say that I'm glad to be writing again and looking forward to many more posts ahead :)

First - A day of firsts for a little girl and Mommy

What a day this has been!

For the little girl, this is her first day at school! To a parent, this is an exciting day. To a little girl of 2 years and a quarter, this is a frightening day indeed. From her point of view, she's been taken away from her mother, for no reason, and left with a bunch of strange adults and kids!

Some kids may be too happy to play with other kids but Yan is different. She cried and howled until she had to be carried away by a teacher kicking and and screaming. I left immediately as I didn't want to set any precedent that Mommy could stay during school hours. For the whole session, she hung on to the teacher for her dear life. Poor thing, I wondered how long it would take for her to say goodbye to me with a smile.

For Mommy, she got involved in her first car accident! Nothing major, just a broken non-consequential side lamp for me and a broken rear brake light and a dent in the bumper for the other party. Hubby's first question was whether the kids were okay. Good man!

It was a bit scary because I was alone with 3 small kids and I knew it was my fault. It didn't help that the other party was a rather hostile couple. In my opinion, they were over-hostile considering the "severity" of the damage. Luckily, hubby was just a phonecall away. He provided the courage I needed to stand my ground.

Lesson learned: don't expect sympathy from people just because you're a "helpless" woman with small children. They may view it as your weakness and take advantage of you.