Overheard: A school principal's words of honesty to a parent

I went to Yan's school around noon today. Her teacher, Miss Lee, went into the school office with me to look for the school principal, let's call her Mrs LSK, to certify a document. We found her talking to the mother of a student. From their conversation, I gathered that the student was a problematic daughter to the mother. What I heard went something like this:- Mrs LSK: When your children behave badly, you have to look into yourself. [Pause] Do you understand my point? When your child becomes bad, when your husband becomes bad, you have to examine your past actions. What you have done that may lead to the current events? The mother was quiet. I couldn't see her face from where I stood. Mrs LSK was clearly frustrated, both from the look on her face as well as the tone of her voice. Her message did not seem to be getting through to the mother. After a while, Mrs LSK continued: I don't have anymore time to talk to you. You can go home now. The mother: Ok, I will write a letter to you. Mrs LSK: Don't write a letter to me. You have to think about what I just said. The mother stood at the door, her body was half turned towards, Mrs LSK. She said: I've already done a lot for her. Her brother asked to [take lessons in something, I can't remember]. I denied him so that she can [have something, I can't remember this either]. Mrs LSK: You don't have to complain about your daughter. You just have to reflect in yourself, your past. Mrs LSK was waving her out the door at this point. Grudgingly, the mother left still not convinced by what Mrs LSK had said about self reflection. Mrs LSK has never minced her words and she certainly hadn't when she told that mother what she (the mother) clearly couldn't accept. Miss Lee and me just stood quietly looking at each other, not daring to interrupt or say anything. Mrs LSK, forehead knotted, quickly signed the papers thrusted to her by Miss Lee and left. Thankfully, I got my stuff back from Miss Lee and left. This whole episode has been a lesson to me. I agree with Mrs LSK. Children are like blank pieces of canvas. Parents are the artists trying to paint as best as they can and hope that masterpieces are produced. However good or bad the paintings turned out to be, the artists are responsible. One uncontrollable factor is the quality of the canvas though this can be counteracted by adjusting the tools and media used to colour it ie methods of dealing with every day battles and shaping long term bahaviour of the children. As I drove home, I reflected on my past actions in shaping how my children turned out to be. I could see how my actions had produced the behaviours that I found difficult in my children. 1)Heng's temper flares are modelled after my own when I found the children's behaviours/ antics too much to bear. 2)Jien's stubborness and defiance are a result of my being too lenient on him to the point of him getting what he wants too often. My leniency is, I suspect, due to his 'physical weakness' (eg 'weaker' lungs, smaller stature, mild scoliosis) which, I believe, resulted from the fact that he had been conceived when I was at my weakest (reproductive-health-wise). 3)Yan's defiance (though not as strong as Jien) is due to my letting her do things her way (not the same as Jien's 'getting what he wants too often') which was my way of avoiding overwork as the family grew. On a positive view, Yan's defiance can be seen as 'independence'(?). 4)Li is on the way to growing up spoilt as the baby of the family. Am I going to sit around feeling hopeless and sorry for myself? Definitely not. As an artist (parent), I'm going to continue my research and experiment into different types of brushes and paints (parenting methods) with the hope of doing away the weaknesses in my masterpieces.