What's up?

It's been 5 years since my last post! Gosh! How time flies! And I realised that I didn't finish telling about the forum I attended. Ah well (shrug) too late now 😅 I don't have a clue on how I want to finish that 😅 The thing on top of my mind now is the Olympics. Coincidently, my last post was also in an Olympic year. I hope my next post will be a lot sooner than the next Olympics 😆 Yeah yeah, five years in between Olympics... the whole world knows why, so I don't have to repeat it here. This year, my little Yan (my 3rd child) is not so little anymore. She'll be sweet sixteen in December 😍 I just mentioned to hubby that Yan is watching Olympics eagerly this year. She browses through the 13 Olympic channels on TV whenever she is free. Other than catching a sport where our countrymen are in action, she also watches volleyball, archery, sailing, qymnastics, etc. She has never been the sporting type, so I was quite surprised she is showing interests in the big O 😅 In fact, I am glad that she is because it shows that my baby is growing up and starting to pay attention to some 'adult' stuff. 🤩 On another matter, actually a big matter in this family, my eldest son, Heng, spent the years in between the last and the current Olympics living in a neighbouring country. He got a scholarship to finish the last 4 years of his secondary school there. He came home in December 2020 after his preU. The first few weeks while waiting for his results were carefree and filled with online gaming late into the night. His main 'responsibility' was to get his driving license, which he did, and he has been driving quite well since getting past his dad's driving 'lessons'. The few weeks after getting his results, however, was not so carefree although still filled with online gaming late into the night, sometimes until dawn 😒 The reason being it was time to choose what and where to continue his studies. After much discussion (frank and speaking adult-to-adult, not a kid anymore) with both hubby and I (together as well as separately), he finally decided to pursue actuarial science locally. Fitting, I think, as he has always been on top of his game when it come to maths. He had to gave up his spot in uni there but we think it is for the best because travelling across borders is not as hassle-free and seamless as before Covid. Like Heng, Jien just transitioned from from school to college, too. He was supposed to sit for his end of secondary school exam in November 2020. However, the exam was delayed 4 months due to the Covid situation in the country. Jien was not concerned at all about the delay. In Henry's carefree weeks, Jien was just as carefree and dedicated to his online games eventhough he had a major exam to face 😒 Grudgingly, he sat down to work 2 weeks before the exam as well as the 3 weeks of the exam but still found time (too much, in my opinion) for his online games 😖 Jien didn't have as hard a time as Heng in choosing the course and the venue for his studies. He was quite certain on what he wanted to study and was a willing participant in our visits to various colleges and universities. He has since started his foundation course aiming for a computer science degree 👍🏻 My youngest child, Li, is in year 5 of primary school. She had only physically attended school for 2 months this year 😓 Although classes have not stopped and merely been moved online, I don't like the fact that she's sitting in the house all day when she should be having fun her friends in school. There's a lot of things I don't like about the situation Covid has put us in. All I can do is be patient and stay positive. I'm glad I have a soulmate beside me through the thick and thin of life. Today is our 21st wedding anniversary 💕 Happy anniversary, darling! 🥰💖

Forum 3/7: Discipline Without Damaging

I think this topic gave parents the impression that children were very fragile creatures. A slight mistake may cause permanent psychological damage to the child. I don't think it's true. I think the organizers used the word 'damaging' because it sounded good with the word 'discipline', which was the focus of this second topic. 

Points on this topic included:-

- punishment is only a short term solution. 

- punishment is necessarily a consequence of breaking a rule. Here, the speaker elaborated by giving an example of a driver breaking a speed limit and receiving a fine as a punishment. 

- punishment is usually an act of desperation. Therefore, parents need to manage their emotions (the speaker who made this comment termed this as 'being self-aware') so as not to lash out on a child. The speaker cited that self-care was important for a parent. By this, I think she meant 'taking care of the caregiver'. I have written about this in my post dated 16 January 2008. 

- know what how you want your child to end up as, work backwards to determine the kind of action required now. (This point reminded me of one of the 'Seven Habits of Highly Effective People', Begin With The End In Mind.)

- how best to discipline:-

= observe

= reward when the rules are being followed (this sound like bribing to me)

= when parents set the rules, parents must follow them too

= set rules at the beginning, before any misbehavior happen, not after the misbehavior started

= when privileges are taken away, children must know why and how it can be prevented

= limit misbehavior by being creative and redirecting the culprits' energy

Forum 2/7: Are You Listening To Your Children?

The first topic was essentially about how to listen. The moderator asked the three speakers questions relating to the topic and let them comment. From their comments, the moderator would summarize the 'take away' points. 

My take away points for this topic was:-

- it is important to connect with your children. Be patient to understand that the child is saying. At the same time, we must watch what we say so as to be encouraging. 

- be at eye level with the child when communicating. 

- be attentive by giving them your full attention i.e. put away our smartphones/ tablet while talking to them.

- start small; five minutes at first, then increase (I think this is to build up a habit. Starting small will not be overwhelming for the child and the parent. The child may suspect something if the parent suddenly show much interest!)

- let them talk, don't censor i.e. don't talk  only about the good things. 

- there should be awareness (I'm not sure whether this referred to awareness of the need to communicate with your children or awareness/sensitive to the things that your children talk about. But I guess, both is equally important.)

- (always a factor in any talk of parenting) persistence. 

The moderator asked a question: how can fathers play a role? In hindsight, this question sounded sexist to me. It presumed that 'the parent' so far in our discussion was the mother 😏. However, to one of the speaker's credit, she talked instead of how both parents should be on the same page i.e. the view of how to parent, the rules set for the children, their positions in certain aspects/situations in parenting. This was so that the children would not play one parent against the other. 

I had questions regarding this topic I wanted to ask the speakers but didn't manage to:-

-what if the child is the quiet type and don't talk/open up in our attempt to communicate?

- what is one child is more outspoken than the others and hog the conversation/communication?

I could guess the answers but I had hoped the speakers' answers may contain something I hadn't known. Luckily, before the day was through, I managed to ask some questions. In fact, I think I was the most outspoken! I will devote one post to questions I asked and answers that I got from the 'experts'. Tune in!

Forum (1/7): An Introduction

The forum I mentioned in the previous post was titled 'Beautiful Mind, Beautiful Child'. It was free and organized by the Master of Child Psychology students of a private university. The venue was the university's KL campus.

There were three speakers; two registered and licensed counselors and a foreign lecturer at the said university. 

The topics discussed was:

- Are you listening to your children?

- Discipline without damaging

- Digital parenting 

It was the third topic that got me interested in the first place. I will share what I gathered from this forum in subsequent posts.

During the half and hour break, participants took the opportunity to speak to the many child psychologists in the room (aka free consultation! Haha!) There were many of them alright, this was organized by psychology students after all! Besides the students, there were their lecturer and the three speakers who were experts of the subject.

After the break, an organization called the Breakthru Academy talked about kinesiology. This subject was totally new to me, so I was able to take away a lot from this session.

All in all, for the stuff that I already knew, this forum refreshed my memory of them and reinforced the message that persistence was necessary. I knew that I was losing steam in the persistence department. So, it was time for me to buck up. As for the stuff I didn't already know, it was an eye-opener. 

Even if I didn't learn anything, it wasn't a complete waste of time because at least I got a few hours off from home!

I would like to end this post with an interesting observation although I stand to be corrected if I am wrong. All the psychologists in the room appeared to me to be childless, except for the foreign lecturer who had a daughter in her, I guessed, tween. Are experts without experience still considered experts? Experts of theory?

I suppose a third party who is not emotionally involved is more objective in dealing with the problems of the families who consult them. After all, there is a Chinese saying: 旁观者清. A dictionary defines these 4 little words as : the person on the spot is baffled, the onlooker sees clear (idiom); the spectator sees more of the game. Apt in describing these 'theoretical experts', don't you think?

Navigating: Sometimes Even Navigation Is Best To DIY

W423 (a popular navigation app) couldn't get me there and it couldn't get me home. I had been reluctant to install this app into my phone but since I had been totally unfamiliar with the forum venue, I had let Hubby install it last night. However, it didn't help... at all!

The offending line was 'No GPS. Showing Approximate Location'. The blue dot jumped around. Whenever it settled into the right position, it didn't move as I move. The app didn't show my progress along the highlighted route. There was no audio giving directions. The   estimated time to destination did not reduce as I travel. Heck, it was like I was not moving at all! 😟

Luckily, I had studied the route on G00613 M49 and G00613 E4?78 last night, so I was able to make my way there without difficulty. 

In the end, it was the navigation 'app' in my brain that got me there (with G00613's help) and got me home (albeit having to go through some traffic jams) without undue delay.

Moral of the day: have the resources yourself so that you don't have to rely too much on external sources. 

PS: I will share what happened at and why I went to 'the forum venue' in a later post. Stay tuned!

Tiramisu: The Preferred Cake For Today's Birthday

A whole cake or just a slice? That was the question asked of the birthday boy. A whole cake was what he wanted; but we can't finish it, came my protest. We can eat it tomorrow, he replied with a hopeful grin. In the end, Hubby opted for two slices: one for the birthday boy, one for himself and me (he knew how I liked tiramisu, and the tiramisu of this place was one of a kind...yum yum 😋).

It is Heng's birthday today. Nothing fancy, just dinner at the place of his choice. Hubby and I prefer not to over indulge our kids on anything, even birthdays. It's his fifteenth. I remember my fifteenth as the last one celebrated without Hubby wishing me 'Happy Birthday'.

We met each other about a month before his sweet sixteen. By the time, my sweet sixteen came around, he had cared for me enough to call me before midnight on the eve, talked until midnight and wished me 'Happy Birthday' when the clock struck twelve. Although I hadn't fallen in love with him at that time, I suspected now that he already had feelings for me. I honestly feel that I'm truly blessed at finding my soulmate so early in life and sharing our lives since leaving childhood.

Well, enough about me. Hubby and I shared a steak, Jien and Yan had a spaghetti each, while Li had garlic bread with mushroom soup. The kids all had western stomach 😁.

On the way home, I asked Heng to count 5 good things in his life.

No. 1: UNIS;

No. 2: His UPSR results, crediting Ms O and Teacher E for his success;

No. 3: Living in XXX, it's a good thing because it's not noisy, relatively safe to cycle and near to a clubhouse;

No. 4: Reasonably good eyesight (power around 150) despite all the books he had read (I'm thankful that he is a verocious reader who 'devour' his book); and

No. 5: he's still thinking about this. [Update: Later he counted frequent eating out as a good thing. So you think my cooking is no good? I teased. Not all the time, he admitted, your western cooking like spaghetti and chicken chop is good but not the Chinese style cooking. That's cos you like western food, I countered a little defensively. I was actually glad that he was brave enough to speak his mind 👍🏼]

He had answered UNIS without hesitation. This showed how much of an impact it had on him. While I'm glad he had such and unforgettable experience, I hope it will not present too high a standard for him to compare other areas of his life to.

All said, I'm proud of Heng. Happy birthday, my boy 😘

Promise II: The Fulfillment of a Promise

I was finally able to make rice with meat and vege for Li to bring to school as snack. On the weekend of the National Day, I made schnitzel using pork slices. As it involved quite a lot of work, I made extra and refrigerate them. My kids loved them but Hubby didn't. I had to go out with him for dinner because he didn't want to eat the deep fried pork slices. 

On the first day of school after that, Li  said she wanted rice with schnitzel and rice. Perfect timing, I thought. I could prepare it quickly because I had leftover rice in the fridge from the previous day. So, I reheated the rice in the steamer, the schnitzel in the oven. Although I had to chop the garlic and stirfried the 'choy sum', it was quickly accomplished as I had extra washed leaves of the vege from a weekend homecooked meal.

I filled Li's usual food container with the food and a spoon and placed the container in a plastic bag in case it leaked vege sauce or got accidentally uncovered. I explained to Li about the need for the plastic bag and for keeping the container level in her bag. She understood followed my instruction very well. Good girl!

Did she finish the food? Only half of it. I consider it a success because there was no messy accident and she seemed satisfied with the whole thing. 

Promise: How Far Do You Go to Keep A Promise To Your Child

First, I need to clarify that this is not about whether you should make a promise. That process in which you weigh the costs and benefits of making that promise can be a lengthy subject in itself; but no. Today's Word is about keeping a promise as opposed to making one. 

Let me tell you what happened. One day, I made minced meat patties for lunch to go with egg fried rice and stir fried lettuce. Li liked it so much she wanted to have the same for snack in school the next day. It would mean more work for me in the morning as I would have to cook the meat and veggies. As I'd like to support my children in their decision, I said yes. 

After that, I totally forgot about it! At dinner, I didn't save some rice to be heated up in the morning. As it was completely forgotten, I didn't cook the rice, meat and veggies in the morning while getting the older kids ready for school.

My promise eluded me until Li was packing her school bag before going to school. She asked me, "Mommy, where's my rice?" It struck me like thunder but it was to late to do anything. What did I do, you ask? The only thing I could do: confessed that I'd forgotten, "can I make it for you for tomorrow's snack instead?"

I felt bad that I forgot and hoped that she wouldn't cry. Lucky for me, she didn't. She was disappointed, of course but she didn't bawl her eyes out crying "Bad mommy! Bad mommy!" Phew! I was relieved, to put it mildly.

I really did mean to make it up to her the next day but when I asked her again at that night, she said no. She changed her mind and hasn't had rice for school since then. Double phew!! Not that I don't want to make for her, I just don't prefer it. More work for me, yes, but think of the oily mess if the food box leak cooking juice or get uncovered in her school bag! Even more work for me!

So, do I go all out to fulfill my children's promise? Yes and no. Yes, if the situation remain favourable. No, if the situation changed and rendered it unpracticable. I'd explain the reason why it couldn't be fulfilled and offer alternatives. I believe this helps them to adapt their expectations and not grow to be spoilt brats where everything has to go their way. Also, it would mean less work for me.

Reading: My Favourite Thing To Do

It stood out like a sore thumb amidst the featherweights and lightweights that were staples in the kids section. I pitied it, I think, that was why I decide to adopt it for a few weeks. Besides, I was getting too caught up with a time-waster at home that I thought reading might be a better use of my precious free time. 

It was a 3-inch thick, hard-covered heavyweight ironically named 'Little Women'. I've read it before many years ago but I couldn't remember any of it. So, this time round, I considered this literary classic to be new to me.

The good thing about it was the large prints, so helpful at my age. I'm notice that I peep under my glasses more often whenever I want to see small things like my fingertips and the ends of my hair.  But I digress. 

The large prints were only one of the reasons that explain to its size. Another, I don't doubt, was the style in which the story had been written. The round-about way of expression was more descriptive and evoked deeper feelings of the reader towards the characters and their circumstances. However, they made a tedious read. I only made it so far because I loved to read and some of its chapters were captivating. Sadly, this classic would find it hard to hold the interest of a less avid reader.

My other complaint is that I can't bring it with me to the gym. The panel of the elliptical trainer is able to hold such a monstrosity but I'm afraid it will draw too much attention to its reader. So, for my running sessions, I use iBook. 'Sense and Sensibility' is another classic older than 'Little Women'. How do I know? Its sentences are much longer. Instead of round-abouts, it employs spirals. 

Try Again

I can't believe that it's been one and a half years since my last post! And after resolving to post regularly, too :( 

So, I'm going to try again. Why? I just read an article about keeping a journal every day, writing something, anything, down for a few minutes each day. It's supposed to help coping with stress, keeping new resolutions, among other things. I hope keeping a journal will make me feel that I've accomplished something because my daily routine now consists of serving others (read: kids) and I'm not doing anything for myself 😒 

Now, I will strive to write something down: a thought, a feeling, an observation, an experience, etc. I used to want to write 'meaningful' or 'helpful' stuff but I couldn't sustain it cos it took me a lot of effort to come up with idea and text for each post. What I need is something short and succinct that doesn't take me much time and effort. 

Hence, I shall try again to post regularly in this blog. Wish me luck 😇

Fireflies: lighted trees for our Christmas Eve

I can't remember now where Hubby got the idea of going to watch fireflies. I had never been to Kuala Selangor to see the fireflies. Hubby had been there in his school days. I had been apprehensive about being in a boat in the dark in the middle of nowhere. Hubby googled and found a place called Firefly Park Resort in Kuala Selangor. There were other places in the KS area where people can watch fireflies but I was attracted to the FPR by its website. (I'm beginning to think that if you can't find in on Internet, either it doesn't exist or it's not worth it; Internet has been a valuable research tool for Hubby and me, other people too, I'm sure but it will have to be the subject of another post.) 

It was the day after our visit to the bird park. To make the most out of Hubby's off days, we decided to go that very evening. My aforementioned apprehension prompted me to pack a full set of overnight clothes for everyone. I packed them myself, didn't want to give the impression to the kids that we were planning to stay the night. 'Just in case anyone got wet,' I answered when Hubby asked me about the bags I put in the boot. Another reason, which I didn't tell him, was that I was secretly hoping that it may be possible to stay the night furthering our adventure. I packed insect repellant too. Ever since Hubby was down with dengue fever for the second, he was extra vigilant about keeping mosquitoes away from the family.

Getting the kids off their respective screens took longer than we expected and we ran into the rush hour traffic jam going to KS. The extra time spent on the journey didn't dent our plan to arrive before dinner. If anything, it make our timing better because the Chinese restaurant at FPR had just served a bus load of tourists and we didn't have to wait long for our food. After dinner, it was starting to get dark. Hubby got us tickets (which was not expensive) and we headed to the pier. The tourists were already there. The benches in the waiting station was neatly covered with life jackets. Everybody was trying on the jackets. I managed to find a small one for Li. Jien and Yan had to those that were a tad too big for them. 

 Soon the boatmen called out the boat numbers and the crowd thinned as people moved towards the boat via the jetty. The waiting station, the jetty and the boats were well maintained and I didn't feel any ick factor, not even towards the life jackets. The jetty stretched out from the solid ground behind the buildings into the river passed some trees that grew on the muddy river bank. It was dark and already we could see faint twinkling on those trees. I was excited because this was the first time I had seen fireflies. Hubby was too preoccupied with lighting the way for the older kids with his iPhone. FRP's website had said that they used battery powered boats that were quiet and emission-free. True enough, the boats were silent as we glide smoothly on the river surface. The river did not stink much and the boats were indeed emission-free. Thus I did not feel intrusive on the fireflies. We were also instructed to be quiet so as not to disturb the insects. In the darkness, our boat took us along the river close to the trees on the opposite bank. The trees were lighted up faintly by soft, twinkling little lights, not at all like the harsh lights from the lightbulbs that drape decoratively on some trees near our home. Hubby remarked that how appropriate that it was Christmas Eve and these trees were our lighted Christmas trees. It felt serenely peaceful, gliding soundlessly on the water surrounded by the twinkling darkness. As it was too dark to take any photos of videos, I looked intently at the twinkles as if to etch them permanently into my memory so that I would not forget. 

Occasionally, a brave twinkle would wander close to our boat. Once Hubby managed to catch it. Our kids were excited to see the light in his cupped hands. I was excited, too, by the sight of this natural cold light.

 All too soon, our boat headed towards the jetty. While in the middle of the river, I could hardly make out the faint twinkles that we had admired earlier. I could also barely make out the boats scattered along the river. Another group of walking life jackets were waiting to board our boat. We were chattering excited as we took off our life jackets. The boys tried to catch one or two twinkles floating in the courtyard despite a sign disallowing it. As it was barely 8.30pm, Hubby stopped by a McDonald's to give the kids an ice-cream treat. Needless to say the excited mood upped a notch to cap another adventurous day.

Aviary: A walk in the bird park

The first outing we had during Hubby's off days was a visit to the bird park. The older kids had been there before Li was born. At that time, Yan had looked like Li now and Li insists that the little girl in those bird park photos was her! The bird park entrance fees were not cheap. I had been impressed by the professional look of its website. So, I grudgingly agreed to go and paid the fees (still small compared to the cost of a night sat in a hotel, I told myself) hoping that the actual thing is as good as its website had looked. And I'm glad to report that I was not disappointed :) The first thing I noticed was the shades. There were plenty of big trees to give shade and it was pleasant to walk even under the midday sun. The park was quite big so I didn't feel short changed at having to pay the relative high entrance fees. The second thing I enjoyed was the birds themselves. They were everywhere: darting in and out of shrubs, perched on tree branches, on hill slopes, walking among people, pecking the ground, predatory birds were in enclosures. The variety of the birds were impressive. There were peacocks, pelicans, flamingos (although their pond could be better taken care of), chickens, pheasants, owls, eagles, macaws, ostrich, emu and others I couldn't name. I enjoyed the bird show so much I thought the show should have been longer than 15 minutes. The kids enjoyed it too. The best thing I like about the park was the fact that we could get close to the birds instead of just admiring them in their enclosures. I was glad the aggressive birds were not running loose among us. One ostrich kept pecking at the wires of the fence of its enclosure, I thought it wanted to get at us. There was one walk-in enclosure that I consider the highlight of our visit. It was after the bird show and Hubby was eager to leave before rush hour and possible rain from the gathering clouds. We were on our way to the exit and the path led us through the walk-in enclosure. Here we were allowed to feed the lories milk and kuacis. Lories are like small parrots. Seeing the lories perched on people's hands and shoulders to get at the food, Heng was very eager to try. For RM2, the worker gave him s small cup of milk in one hand and kuacis in the other. Almost immediately, a few lories came and perched on his fingers and wrists. Seeing their 'Gorgorki' surrounded by birds, Jien and Li wanted to be part of the action. Only Yan was contented at not having a bird land on her. We spent quite some time here because the kids were enjoying themselves tremendously. Hubby was clicking away on his camera seeing his beloveds surrounded by birds. Li was not the least bit afraid of having the lories claws pinching her skin. Finally, the crowd got unbearable in the walk-in enclosure and we left. We stopped by the souvenir shop on the way out. Bought a couple of T-shirts for RM15 each. I was tempted to buy the better looking ones for the kids but the price of them could not persuade me to categorise them as needs instead of wants. So, I left telling myself the kids had more than enough clothes, which was true. We didn't run into the rush hour traffic jam. Nor did the heavens open. And we arrived home satisfied that the day had been an adventure.

Family outing: how to measure its quality

Hubby took a few days off from work recently. It was the school holidays after all and we hadn't done anything with the kids. We had planned to go to the beach but it was too late to book anything not too expensive. Hubby had not been willing to pay too much for a holiday. Kids do not know, neither do we need to tell them, the cost of a holiday. We do not want them to be ungrateful, nor do we want them to feel indebted to us for the money spent. So, we did the next best thing: going to attractions where we did not need to stay overnight. There were many places in and around the city that were worthy of a family outing. On our list were: the National Zoo, Sunway Lagoon, Bird Park, Butterfly Park, suspension bridge in Forest Research Institute, etc. The costs of going to all these places added together would be less than a two-night stay in a beach resort. Both Hubby and I agree that quality family outing is not measured by ringgit. It is measured by our children's laughter :) My next few posts will be about the good times we had in our city outings.

2014: Wishes for a meaningful year

Happy New Year, dear Reader! For this new year, I wish for the world to be less selfish and to take care of Mother Earth. A wish, I fear, that will remain a wish on the global scale for decades still. 

On the personal scale, however, I am more optimistic :) To paraphrase a teacher in Heng's new school: 

To change to world, we should change one country at a time;

To change a country, we should change a person at a time;

To change a person, we should change one attitude at a time. 

Therefore, I will start with the circle of my influence: myself, my family and my friends. 

For myself, I hope to read (or listen) to more books, to manage time better so that more can be achieved and to keep house better. I also hope to spend more time exercising. 

On the family front, will strive to be more patient with my family, more supportive of my children's endeavours as they grow older and less swayed to my desires. 

As for my friends, I hope to offer more kind and encouraging words. Regrettably, with my full time focus on the family, I couldn't spend more time with my friends. So, with the help of FB, I can do the online version of going out for yamcha and chitchat with friends :)

Let us all have a meaningful 2014!

Audiobooks: the best companion

Lately, housework like hanging laundry, washing dishes and cooking does not seem like a chore anymore. I used to approach them with a 'get-it-over-with' attitude. Maybe I was jealous that Hubby was just sitting there and played his war games. Maybe I was just lazy. Maybe  I didn't like it that housework is keeping me away from doing things I like eg: reading, watching tv, going out. Mostly, I think, I found it mindless.

Honestly, I prefer to do something that would add to or applying my knowledge. Reading, whether fiction or newspaper, adds to my knowledge. Watching tv, mostly documentaries, adds to my knowledge. Doing bookkeeping or accounting work lets me apply my knowledge. Regrettably, housework neither add to nor apply my knowledge. That's why I avoid it whenever I could.

My recent change in attitude towards housework is due to finding the right companion. Yes, audiobook. It allows me to do my favourite thing while I'm doing housework: read a book. Or rather, listen to a book :)

There was more than once I cooked a meal because I wanted to continue listening to a story to find out what happen next. This is the audiobook version of 'can't put the book down'!

Audiobook has definitely became my best companion!

Break: A recharge for a new adventure

It's been a month since my last post. It was supposed to be a ten-day break but time ran away from me again. Before I knew it thirty days has passed! I'm not regretting it, though. Consider it a recharge  :)

Yes, a recharge is certainly needed for the new year. Only 2 weeks away... The previous new year's fireworks seemed like only yesterday and now a new one is due. 

This new year will be a new adventure for me even though it's my son who will start secondary school. That's why I need a recharge. I expect to be busier because all my 4 children will be going to different schools! The school runs only will make my spin. I still have to throw food preparation into the mix. Tapau, you say? Sure but I still have to figure what to buy, when, where etc... I shudder to think of the possible chaos I will have to deal with.

On a positive note, .... Is there one? Of course! I try to see one in everything but so far all I can is: whatever this new adventure throw at me, I can handle it!

Help! I lost my maid

The other day, I was approached by a friend. 'Please give me your professional opinion,' she said. Naturally, I was flattered. Her husband had an audit firm, why would she ask me for my opinion, which is clearly outdated, when she had a practising professional at home? As I sat down, I was about to tease, 'One has to pay for professional advice'. However, her next words brought me back down on earth, 'How do you manage such a big family without a maid?' It was clear to me now that my current 'profession' is a do-it-yourself fulltime mother! I find the term 'housewife' a bit deragatory, completely outdated and totally inappropriate. Whenever someone say that I'm a housewife, I would counter by saying, 'My husband is not a house!' but I digress. Back to my friend. Let's call her Flower. It turned out that Flower's maid had just ran away and she was thinking of not spending thousands of ringgit on another maid. My immediate response was, 'No need to have a maid! Your children are already quite big [Flower has 3 children aged 8 to 13]. You'd be surprised by their independence and capability when they live without a maid.' Flower went on to ask me how I manage the housework. I told her of my CAOF strategy (see http://silverysword.blogspot.com/2007/12/caof-time-management-strategy-for-over.html). She listened with much interests. I had the impression that she found ignoring any kind of housework as close to being sinful. It turned out she was quite a perfectionist when it came to cleanliness. She scrubbed her floor mats and pre-treated and soaked her children's school uniform. Her eyes grew when I told her that:- A) It had been more than one-and-a-half years since I washed my sliding door grille., B) I do not vacuum or mop the floor everyday, C) I would not hesitate to leave a sinkful of dirty dishes overnight if I was too tired to wash it, D) I converted my wet kitchen into an indoor drying yard and the supposedly dry kitchen is now my only kitchen so that 'sunning' of my laundry didn't have to be dictated by the weather, E) I used a robot vacuum, etc. As I told her about my 'practices' above, questions immediately followed each:- A) Wouldn't it get very dirty/dusty? B) Wouldn't the floor get very sticky? C) [Laughs] D) Don't you need to sun your clothes? E) A friend said that it does not vacuuming thoroughly. To these doubts, I said:- A) The dust is on the outside of the house where I don't spend my time. B) Use wet rag to wipe where my children dropped food or spill drinks. Try to mop at least one a week. C) My wellbeing is more important than leaving dishes unwashed for a day. D) I have not sun my clothes since the year 2000 when I moved into an apartment. E) As long as the high traffic area get cleaned I can live with dust in hard-to-reach corners and under furniture. 'I don't care if people call me lazy. I do what I can and what is important.' I declared. 'In the end it is all about setting your expectations.' She seemed convinced to giving a different set of expectations a try.

Overheard: A school principal's words of honesty to a parent

I went to Yan's school around noon today. Her teacher, Miss Lee, went into the school office with me to look for the school principal, let's call her Mrs LSK, to certify a document. We found her talking to the mother of a student. From their conversation, I gathered that the student was a problematic daughter to the mother. What I heard went something like this:- Mrs LSK: When your children behave badly, you have to look into yourself. [Pause] Do you understand my point? When your child becomes bad, when your husband becomes bad, you have to examine your past actions. What you have done that may lead to the current events? The mother was quiet. I couldn't see her face from where I stood. Mrs LSK was clearly frustrated, both from the look on her face as well as the tone of her voice. Her message did not seem to be getting through to the mother. After a while, Mrs LSK continued: I don't have anymore time to talk to you. You can go home now. The mother: Ok, I will write a letter to you. Mrs LSK: Don't write a letter to me. You have to think about what I just said. The mother stood at the door, her body was half turned towards, Mrs LSK. She said: I've already done a lot for her. Her brother asked to [take lessons in something, I can't remember]. I denied him so that she can [have something, I can't remember this either]. Mrs LSK: You don't have to complain about your daughter. You just have to reflect in yourself, your past. Mrs LSK was waving her out the door at this point. Grudgingly, the mother left still not convinced by what Mrs LSK had said about self reflection. Mrs LSK has never minced her words and she certainly hadn't when she told that mother what she (the mother) clearly couldn't accept. Miss Lee and me just stood quietly looking at each other, not daring to interrupt or say anything. Mrs LSK, forehead knotted, quickly signed the papers thrusted to her by Miss Lee and left. Thankfully, I got my stuff back from Miss Lee and left. This whole episode has been a lesson to me. I agree with Mrs LSK. Children are like blank pieces of canvas. Parents are the artists trying to paint as best as they can and hope that masterpieces are produced. However good or bad the paintings turned out to be, the artists are responsible. One uncontrollable factor is the quality of the canvas though this can be counteracted by adjusting the tools and media used to colour it ie methods of dealing with every day battles and shaping long term bahaviour of the children. As I drove home, I reflected on my past actions in shaping how my children turned out to be. I could see how my actions had produced the behaviours that I found difficult in my children. 1)Heng's temper flares are modelled after my own when I found the children's behaviours/ antics too much to bear. 2)Jien's stubborness and defiance are a result of my being too lenient on him to the point of him getting what he wants too often. My leniency is, I suspect, due to his 'physical weakness' (eg 'weaker' lungs, smaller stature, mild scoliosis) which, I believe, resulted from the fact that he had been conceived when I was at my weakest (reproductive-health-wise). 3)Yan's defiance (though not as strong as Jien) is due to my letting her do things her way (not the same as Jien's 'getting what he wants too often') which was my way of avoiding overwork as the family grew. On a positive view, Yan's defiance can be seen as 'independence'(?). 4)Li is on the way to growing up spoilt as the baby of the family. Am I going to sit around feeling hopeless and sorry for myself? Definitely not. As an artist (parent), I'm going to continue my research and experiment into different types of brushes and paints (parenting methods) with the hope of doing away the weaknesses in my masterpieces.

Heartbroken (the sequel): Leftover lunch

The day after Heartbroken (Part 2), I bought chicken rice for the kids. 2 packets for Heng (he requested for it) and one each for Jien and Yan (my bad here, I should've made them share one packet). You guessed it, they couldn't finish all the food.

I was not as heartbroken as the day before. I just felt that I have to be consistent in dealing with unfinished food so I wrote their names on the boxes and saved them for dinner.

When dinnertime arrived, I told them to finish the chicken rice before we go out for food. As incentive, I told them we'd go to McDonald's. Some may say I was too lenient to reward them with McD for doing what they should have done. However, I didn't want to stress myself out dealing with their protests if I hadn't sweetened the deal.

Jien needed to be hurried, so I imposed a time limit. With some warning and threatening, he managed to finish it in the nick of time. Off to McD we go. As expected, Yan was too full after her chicken rice to eat anything else. Heng ordered less than usual. Only Jien was on his usual amount because his leftover chicken was just a few spoonfuls (even that took so much warnings and threats!).

We had to takeaway for Hubby because he had a war to fight. That, my dear reader, is another 'heartbreaking' story for another day :(

Heartbroken (Part 2): What I did with the leftover food

After what happened in the previous post, Hearbroken, I was determined that the kids be taught a lesson about eating whatever I have prepared for them. 

The day after Heartbroken, I cut the leftover chicken meat into small pieces and included them in my fried rice. I packed in the containers along with packets of Milo. I told myself that they are only allowed to have it if they finish the rice. 

After picking up all four of them from school, I drove directly to the library. Having lunch out of the car in the library parking lot has become part of a library visit.

I was relieved that the previous day's tension did not arise. They promptly finished their food without much fuss. Maybe my scolding the night before was still fresh on their mind. The rest of the day was pleasant enough :)

However, I have to admit that my actions did not reflect the determination I mentioned in the beginning of this post. I didn't include the duck meat and chicken feet in fried rice. The vege and baked beans were kept to complete another meal for me because they didn't go with fried rice. The chicken that they were supposed to finish were disguised as fried rice. 

Still I believe there will be plenty of chances for me to put my determination into actions. I just hope that my determination holds up in the face of the resistance that will arise.