Forum 3/7: Discipline Without Damaging

I think this topic gave parents the impression that children were very fragile creatures. A slight mistake may cause permanent psychological damage to the child. I don't think it's true. I think the organizers used the word 'damaging' because it sounded good with the word 'discipline', which was the focus of this second topic. 

Points on this topic included:-

- punishment is only a short term solution. 

- punishment is necessarily a consequence of breaking a rule. Here, the speaker elaborated by giving an example of a driver breaking a speed limit and receiving a fine as a punishment. 

- punishment is usually an act of desperation. Therefore, parents need to manage their emotions (the speaker who made this comment termed this as 'being self-aware') so as not to lash out on a child. The speaker cited that self-care was important for a parent. By this, I think she meant 'taking care of the caregiver'. I have written about this in my post dated 16 January 2008. 

- know what how you want your child to end up as, work backwards to determine the kind of action required now. (This point reminded me of one of the 'Seven Habits of Highly Effective People', Begin With The End In Mind.)

- how best to discipline:-

= observe

= reward when the rules are being followed (this sound like bribing to me)

= when parents set the rules, parents must follow them too

= set rules at the beginning, before any misbehavior happen, not after the misbehavior started

= when privileges are taken away, children must know why and how it can be prevented

= limit misbehavior by being creative and redirecting the culprits' energy